he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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