I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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