i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I am never drinking with the goths again.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
