I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
