Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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