Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
