Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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