Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
