if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
