let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
