I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Can you bring me the toilet please
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
