i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize