I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
