I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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