so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
