You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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