I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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