It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
