Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
