Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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