I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
