I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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