I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
