Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Edward fifth and chaser hands
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize