masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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