I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
