you guys were way drunker than both of me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
