I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
