He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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