as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
