i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Text me some of your sweat
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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