Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize