This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
