just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
