last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
