i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize