He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
