you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
