Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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