my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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