Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize