I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
