Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
