But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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