I think I died a long time ago.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Are these your boobs on my camera?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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