6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
