my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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