Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
