They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
