I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize