Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
