I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
