Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
