i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
