the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
