After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize