You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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