I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
