im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
