I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
