Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
