I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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