Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
