I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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