when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
