remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
