I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
