I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
