Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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