ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
