He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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