I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
