I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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